What we believe about our relationships shows up as sensors or detectors for what’s okay or not, what’s ‘normal’ or not, what’s forgivable or not. And they reveal themselves as behavioral patterns. Some beliefs create distance in relationships—here’s what to do instead.

Your partner wanted to talk and has started to share her thoughts. You’re there. You’re facing her. And then you hear, “You’re not listening to me.” And now Wait, what?! zings through your brain. Feel confused? Frustrated? Maybe even somewhat defensive? I am listening! What just happened?!