What Is Empathy and Why Does It Matter So Much Right Now?
My heart is still holding the weight of the June 14th tragedy here in Minnesota. And I’ve realized I’m not quite ready to return to the relationship metaphors of the garden. What’s been on my mind instead is the absence of something essential: empathy. Or maybe more precisely, the absence of practicing empathy. So today, I want to turn toward that.
Lately, empathy has felt harder to find. National headlines sting. Closer to home, relationships may feel strained. Whether in the news or our personal lives, a lack of empathy can feel like a slow erosion of connection, safety, and care.
But something else may be happening quietly in the background: you might be feeling too much. Exhausted by trying to care about everything and everyone. It’s a kind of emotional burnout known as empathy fatigue.
Thank you, Duncan Shaffer on Unsplash
So what is empathy? What does healthy, sustainable empathy look like? And why do we need it—not just in big moments but in the seemingly small and ordinary ones too? And how can we grow this skill in a way that honors both others and ourselves? And how can we grow it when the world feels heavy, divided, and overwhelming?
Let’s start there.
What is empathy?
Empathy is our ability to imagine and understand what someone else is feeling—even if we haven’t lived it ourselves. It’s the skill of putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes so we can say, “I may not know exactly what you’re going through, but I’m here with you.”
And empathy isn’t just about others. We can and must extend empathy inward too. Self-empathy asks, “What do I need right now? What am I feeling? How can I meet myself with gentleness instead of judgment?”
In psychological terms, empathy involves both emotional and cognitive components. It’s not just feeling what others feel—it’s also understanding and responding in a way that communicates You matter.
Why empathy is essential—especially now
Empathy empowers us to connect more honestly, more deeply, and with greater care.
It supports everything from meaningful friendships to strong leadership. It’s foundational in communication, community care, and conflict resolution. Without empathy, relationships grow brittle, workplaces become cold, families struggle and suffer, nations fracture.
Empathy helps us
build trust and emotional safety
interrupt cycles of blame, judgment, or disconnection
cultivate resilience in ourselves and others
feel less alone
And since it’s June, there’s value in highlighting Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month while on this topic. Many men are taught to suppress vulnerability, to power through instead of reaching out. These are hazardous teachings though—they leave too many men feeling isolated and unheard.
Feeling lonely or suppressed never leads to health or healthy practices. Practicing empathy toward men and among men is part of changing that script.
How to practice empathy (even when it’s hard)
Empathy is not a personality trait—it’s a skill. This means you can learn it, grow it, practice it, and strengthen it—even when you feel overwhelmed, tired, or uncertain where to start.
First, be discerning
That said, please note that practicing empathy does not mean you must feel deeply about everything, all the time. That’s not sustainable or healthy. When we try to care equally about every crisis, every person, every headline, we overload and can begin to shut down emotionally. This is empathy fatigue.
Practicing empathy wisely means learning to discern
Where is empathy needed right now?
What’s mine to carry?
Where do I need boundaries to protect my energy and well-being?
Remember that empathy isn't about absorbing everyone else’s emotions—it’s about noticing, connecting, and responding in ways that are sustainable and humane—for yourself and others.
Thank you, Rod Long on Unsplash
Some ways to begin your empathy practice
1. Listen to understand, not to fix
We’re generally quick to jump in with advice or solutions. Empathy asks us to slow down and simply be with someone in their experience. Try saying
“I’m here.”
“That sounds really hard.”
“Do you want support or just someone to listen?”
2. Name what you notice
Sometimes people don’t know how to talk about their feelings (and that’s ok, no shame or shade on that). Gently naming what you observe in yourself or others can help:
“You seem quieter than usual. Want to talk?”
“I’m more reactive than usual today. What might be going on?”
3. Ask open-ended questions
Curiosity and empathy are beautiful partners. Get curious:
“What’s been on your mind lately?”
“What’s that like for you?”
4. Offer empathy to yourself
Self-empathy is the soil that helps empathy toward others grow. When you're overwhelmed, consider saying
“This is hard, and it makes sense that I feel this way.”
“What do I need right now to feel more grounded?”
What happens when we don’t practice empathy?
Without empathy, things get dark. We start to see each other as categories instead of people—and it becomes easier to blame, dehumanize, or look away.
Relationships suffer. Misunderstandings pile up. Conflict escalates. People feel unseen, unheard, unwanted, unloved. Cruelty becomes normalized in public discourse or politics and risks silencing further those whose experiences are already overlooked. And internally, a lack of empathy can morph into harsh self-talk, burnout, and emotional disconnection.
Empathy isn’t just nice—it’s necessary.
Empathy is part of the compassion network
While empathy is the ability to connect with another’s experience, compassion furthers that in the desire to help ease that suffering. Empathy is a doorway. Compassion is what happens when we walk through.
We’ll explore compassion more deeply in a future post. For now, know that practicing empathy gently, regularly, and with intention is a vital part of the larger network of essential care of humankind.
Your invitation to practice empathy
Empathy empowers us to connect more easily with others and ourselves. It may not solve every challenge we face, but it can help us stay rooted in our shared humanity.
Practicing empathy doesn’t mean feeling everything all the time. It means staying open, grounded, and connected without losing yourself in the process.
This week, I invite you to (1) notice one moment when you could pause and (2) offer empathy either to yourself or to someone else. Start with just one.
This practice matters—and it matters more than you think.
How I can help
In individual therapy, we work together to uncover where empathy (or other relational skills) may be missing, whether in your relationship with others or yourself. Therapy offers you a space to feel seen, practice new skills, and grow your emotional capacity in a way that aligns with who you are.
If you’re navigating relationship issues, feeling overlooked, or feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to navigate it by yourself either.
Let’s connect.
with love and care,
JoEllen
