What Men Often Look for in a Therapist (and How That Might Help You Find the Right Fit)

True story: Starting therapy can feel vulnerable, especially if you're used to figuring things out on your own (and maybe even wearing that as a badge of honor). It can feel uncertain too if you’ve never been before and only have ideas from TV or movies—leaving you unsure about what to truly expect.

Thank you, Ali Kazal on Unsplash

Some men I’ve spoken with have shared that they weren’t entirely sure what they were looking for in a therapist. However, they did know they wanted to feel heard and respected. They also knew they did not want to feel analyzed, judged, or blamed.

As a therapist who works with men navigating relationships, stress, self-worth, and communication, I understand the importance of finding a therapist who feels like the right fit. My approach includes creating a setting where my clients feel heard, respected, and supported in working through life’s challenges.

You want to feel safe and not judged

Whenever I hear the phrase 'Man up!' (and similar) in a movie or on TV (or IRL), I can't help but cringe. It’s heartbreaking to me that today’s men were exposed in any way to messages like “Don’t be so emotional!” or ”Go figure it out yourself!”

So by the time you're even thinking about sitting across from a therapist, it makes perfect sense that you’d have concerns or confusion about what you can share and how to say it. This second-guessing yourself might even have kept you from getting the additional emotional support you deserve.

What helps a great deal is having someone who doesn’t hurry to ‘fix’ or label you. And having someone who listens deeply, without interrupting or pressuring you, is very affirming.

You want a therapist who listens

Some people believe therapy is about ‘talking at’ the therapist–whose only role is to nod and occasionally say “Hmm.” And for some this can be helpful at first. However, good therapy isn’t passive, it’s a collaborative process. Which may come as a welcome surprise.

One of your roles as a client is to sincerely bring your lived experiences, concerns, and heartaches. In turn, I respond with curiosity, exploration of possible patterns, and support in a setting for you to share and process what is most important to you.

Therapy is not about being lectured or told what to do. Therapy helps you connect the dots, get clear on what’s going on and why, and take the next steps in ways that work for you.

You value substance, not just feelings

Some of my male clients have approached exploring their emotions and emotional responses in relationships with a sense of hesitancy. That’s fair. After all, if you’ve received messages of “Don’t be so emotional!” and then put that into practice (even subconsciously), how could it feel comfortable to go there?

To be sure, therapy does involve talking about emotions (after all, our emotions are a huge part of who we are as humans). But there’s also a practical side to therapy that includes helpful insights, revealing reflections, and useful strategies for showing up differently in your relationships.

So, if you're asking yourself things like, “Why do I shut down when things get tense?” or “Why do I stay so mad at my partner?”, therapy can help you answer those questions and not just continue to sit with them.

You might feel more comfortable with a female therapist

Some men find it easier to open up to a female therapist because the experience feels less performative—there’s less pressure to prove something or mask pain under the surface. And some have shared that they find it easier to talk about relationship dynamics with someone they feel brings compassionate, grounded, and non-critical energy to the conversation.

If you’re unsure about the kind of therapist you want to work with, that’s completely normal. It might help to ask yourself: Who do I feel safest being honest with? Who helps me slow down and reflect without pressure or judgment?

For other considerations in finding your right fit therapist, check out my blogs on How to Find the Right Therapist for Individual Therapy and Should I Choose a Male or Female Therapist? How to Find the Right Fit for You.

What therapy can look like

In my practice, sessions often feel like focused conversations. I’ll ask thoughtful questions, reflect patterns you might not have noticed, and offer understanding and support for what really matters to you.

The essence of our lives isn’t a series of strung-together social media highlights. Instead, it often includes relationship challenges, stress, self-doubt, and other very human struggles. With that reality in mind, I’m here to help you move toward clarity and confidence—not perfection.

If you're a man in Minnesota looking for therapy that respects your pace, values, and voice, I’d be honored to work with you. Let’s talk when you're ready.