Healthy Communication in Relationships—What It Is and How to Practice It
Thank you, Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash for this photo of a couple laying on the grass, embracing, connected
Healthy communication in relationships is more than just talking
Are you already starting to roll your eyes at another therapist blog telling you “communication is key”? Maybe you’re thinking, “I know, I know already!” I get it—the word communication is everywhere when it comes to relationships.
So reading about communication might not feel like much of a value-add. But what if we shift the focus to healthy communication?
That’s the difference-maker. And stick with me—because if you’re in a relationship, or hoping to be in one, learning how to communicate in healthy, intentional ways might truly be one of the most important skills you can build.
What is healthy communication in a relationship, really?
Healthy communication goes beyond just sharing information. Here’s what it’s not:
>> venting about your partner to your partner
>> keeping quiet to keep the peace
>> waiting until your emotions boil over
Healthy communication is grounded, respectful, collaborative, and honest. Great news! It’s also a skill that can be learned. So, take heart! Here’s what healthy communication often looks like:
You feel heard—and so does the other person.
You’re not just waiting to respond—you’re listening and can restate what you heard.
You take turns sharing and responding—it’s not just one-sided.
You talk about the hard stuff and celebrate the good moments.
You give and receive feedback graciously—even if it’s hard to say or hear.
You’re aware of how you’re communicating, not just the words you’re saying.
Healthy communication doesn’t mean you never get frustrated. It means you’re invested in how you show up for one another—especially during conflict—and that you’re both trying.
How to have healthy communication in your relationship
Here are a few key steps you can try today to start shifting how you communicate in your relationships.
1. Ground yourself first
Before you approach a conversation, pause and check in with yourself. Are you emotionally regulated? Are you ready to listen, not just get something off your chest?
This isn’t always easy, especially when something feels urgent or frustrating. But grounding yourself first helps reduce defensiveness and helps you approach the conversation with care rather than reactivity.
2. Make sure it’s a good time for your partner
If you have something important to talk about, don’t assume now is the right time—ask. Or better yet, schedule it. A simple, respectful approach like “Hey, I’ve been thinking about something and would love to talk it through. Can we find a time later today or this week?” can go a long way toward creating safety and openness.
That said, if you’re experiencing active disrespect, it’s okay—and important—to speak up in the moment. Not every conversation needs to be postponed or packaged. Healthy communication includes the ability to say “this doesn’t feel okay” as it’s happening.
3. Keep grounding yourself as you go
Even when you’re calm at the start, emotions can rise. Pause. Breathe. Slow down as needed. You can always take a break and come back to the conversation later. If you need a pause, that’s the healthy and loving thing to do—for both of you.
4. One topic at a time
Even if you can think of five unresolved issues between you, stick to one concern, experience, or observation at a time—otherwise, it’s easy for both of you to get overwhelmed, discouraged, or shut down.
Also keep in mind that not every healthy conversation will lead to the resolution of an issue, but it might lead to a better understanding of each other’s perspectives—this is important too.
5. Talk about the good things, too
Healthy communication isn’t just for conflict resolution—it’s also a space to reinforce what’s working and what feels good. “Hey, I really appreciated how you checked in with me yesterday.” You’ll both learn more about what you each value and feel more connected.
6. Make communication a regular practice
Don’t wait for a problem to talk. Build communication into your routine. Some couples schedule a weekly or twice-weekly “check-in.” You can trade off bringing up a topic you want to explore, or you can each bring one topic to the table. You don’t need to be rigid, but consistency matters.
Check-ins don’t need to take hours—and it’s probably best that they don’t, as emotional fatigue will likely set in and can sour good progress. Set the timer for 30 minutes or an hour—you two get to decide—and continue at the next check-in.
Set the scene—nonverbal cues matter
Communication isn’t just about words. Nonverbal cues—body position, eye contact, and facial expression—play a big role in how a message is received. Are you facing your partner or turned away? Are your eyes warm and open, or showing boredom, frustration, or defensiveness? Are you present or distracted by a screen or another task?
These cues can vary between people and relationships. A neurodivergent partner, for example, might find extended eye contact overwhelming rather than connecting. Part of healthy communication is knowing your partner—what helps them feel safe and what doesn’t—and adjusting with care.
Why healthy communication matters in your relationship
Here’s the thing—communication is happening whether you’re intentional about it or not. Silence communicates. Sarcasm communicates. Withdrawal communicates. Those are examples of unhealthy communication.
Healthy communication invites you to show up with honesty, respect, and alignment—with yourself and with your partner. It holds you accountable to being both clear and kind, supporting connection even in the tough moments.
The risks of not communicating well
>> Increased misunderstandings and assumptions
>> Resentment and emotional distance
>> Erosion of trust
>> Repetitive, unresolved conflict cycles
The benefits of healthy communication
>> A stronger emotional connection
>> Better understanding of each other’s needs and values
>> More productive problem-solving
>> A sense of safety and security in your relationship
It’s not always easy—but it is always worth it.
Image created in Canva by this author. “Healthy communication series” dark gray text over solid blue-gray background with two speech bubbles, one light orange, one light yellow.
If you’d like help working on your healthy communication skills …
Whether you’re currently in a relationship, navigating a breakup, or preparing for a future partnership, I’d be honored to support you. I work with adults across Minnesota in online individual therapy focused on relationship issues, communication, and personal growth.
How individual therapy can help
Individual therapy for relationship issues isn’t just for people in crisis. It’s for anyone who wants to learn how to show up differently, communicate better, and build healthier, more connected relationships.
Together, we can work on
Understanding your communication patterns
Exploring your relationship values and needs
Practicing new communication tools in a safe space
Building confidence to have healthy conversations—again and again
The good news is, you don’t have to figure it out alone. And you don’t have to be perfect to make a difference in your relationship.
If you’re ready to cultivate healthier ways of communicating, I’d love to support you. Schedule a free consultation here.
Stay tuned …
Curious about what gets in the way of healthy communication—and how to work through it? And want to learn how to have a healthy and productive check-in? Those are near-future posts in this series. Come back again soon.
